Thursday, 24 May 2007

Well, let's start off with a lovely pic of some peonies (I think!) that a friend gave me last week. They're only just beginning to open and they are the most gorgeous colour.

It's been a weird week and I have been a bit slack in posting, the time just seems to have gone. On Monday K had her first session on her own at pre-school. She was pretty excited about the whole thing and went along quite happily. I thought that seeing as she's number 2 it wouldn't affect me as much as taking my first born along for the first time. How wrong I was!

She was fine about being left because we know one of the helpers there and she distracted her nicely. So I walked out of the door without my baby, leaving her in the hands of others, and I felt totally bereft. Apart from the odd few hours where friends look after her, or the stays at Grandma's we are never apart and boy-oh-boy did I miss her! It was the strangest, saddest feeling as I walked home alone without my chatty little companion.

The house was silent and what did I do? Instead of making the most of my time alone and sewing or reading I hoovered the stairs like a woman possessed! Now, hoovering is my least favourite pastime and we have a lot of stairs (we live in a very tall, thin house - not a big house!) so I don't know what I was thinking about. It was a sort therapy and did take my mind off the silence for an hour or so.

I was so excited when I went to collect K and when I turned up she looked happy scooting about outside. Her face lit up when she saw me and she ran into my arms. Needless to say my eyes filled immediately and I gave her the biggest hug possible.

Let me add that I am not an "earth mother" type. My children drive me crazy quite a lot of the time and I do find myself running and hiding in certain parts of the house at times, desperate to be alone. I also look forward to the post 8pm part of the day when I can turn my child friendly brain off and switch into adult mode. However I find the letting go bit really hard. I think it's the fact that a new phase is starting in my childrens' lives, they do grow up so fast and I don't think there'll be any more babies to fill the space. I hope I'm not turning into a sad old woman who lives her own life through her children and has nothing else!

Enough, enough I hear you cry! On a more positive note look what I got out of the shed for the first time in 3 years.............

I am a new woman - with two wheels! It's been walk to school week and J takes these things very seriously. We always walk apart from Wednesdays when K and I go to baby gym in the car. In no uncertain terms I was told we COULD NOT take the car because of the damage we would be doing to the environment. So, out came the bike complete with throne for K. I've never taken either of them on it before, I always leave it to Ian, I was a bit nervous of falling over. Anyway I did it and I am completely hooked. I've been cycling all over town, give me any excuse and I'm off. J follows me on his scooter (we've still to get him on a bike!) and we're off. We get to school in half the time, it's fab!!! Of course being totally over ambitious I overdid it a bit the first time out and halfway up a big (not that big to be fair!) hill I thought "actually I'm a bit hot and a bit tired!" but had to carry on regardless.

Bit of a long, drawn out post that one, I will try to get some nice pics for the next one. I'll finish with this one of a little picture I did for K.


Ragged Roses said...

I can totally relate to this post. So hard to cope when the youngest goes off to school or nursery - I felt bereft. I still don't deal with it very well - my teenage daughter is off to Italy on Saturday and I'm in a bit of a dither at the moment. You will enjoy the time alone it just takes some time and I bet after half term you'll be desperate for 5 minutes peace!
Kim x

Alison said...

Believe me it dosen't get easier as they get older. My eldest is doing his GCSE's and then sixth form and off to university in 2 years and I'm going to have to learn to let go a bit more.

I hope your fledgling enjoyed their first day in the big wide world!
Alison x

Ali said...

That letting go bit is so hard (especially when they seem to take it in their small stride). But I'm sure you will quickly get over the 'punish myself with loathsome hoovering' phase!

And our kids have the same bike helmet. Spooky.

Jo said...

My youngest goes to school in September and I'm already thinking about how I'll miss him. Their lives seem to whizz by so quickly.
Love your embroidery!

Kim said...

I don't think that there is anything wrong with feeling that way. I'm just like you, I don't want to spend every single moment attached to my child, but when I took her to her nursery for the first time, I was miserable! Now, she is so happy there that it makes me feel OK about having her there.

She'sSewPretty said...

My youngest is 14 but, I still remember when he started school. I too went home and cleaned. How funny!

Vintage to Victorian said...

What a lovely post. So glad I found you. I'll be popping back frequently.